Warrior

As I was looking up something about Thyroid Cancer I came across this shirt that reads "Thyroid Cancer Warrior". A warrior huh that is pretty cool!

'war·ri·or –noun
1. a person engaged or experienced in warfare; soldier.
2. a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics.



I have realized over the past couple of weeks that ALL of my true emotions of having cancer came out. I think I just kinda down played all of my emotions for the past years.

Doctors told me oh it is so curable, Thyroid Cancer is the best kind of cancer to get. So really I thought o.k. this is nothing.

It isn't breast cancer... so I really can't die, it isn't THAT bad... but REALLY it was something. It is CANCER.. I had freaken Thyroid Cancer.

It was my body falling apart, it was me crying at night and spending hours and days away from my family, my 1yr old baby.

It was me sick and in pain from surgery. I DID do radiations AND surgery's, and continue to do PET Scans. I can UNDERSTAND all of my emotion NOW.

So I didn't loose my hair but I sure did go thru a ton. Wow and now... I'm Cancer free... it is taking me a while to wrap my head aroud it. 4yrs of a roller coaster emotions has come to an end.

Oh heck yeah, I'M A WARRIOR!!!!

For some reason this past surgery brought up so many emotions that I didn't even think I had. It also gave me time to PONDER. Really Ponder!

I have to say this has been a growing experience. It really made me exercise my faith and strength. It is hard to for me to truly have faith, to find faith and to really believe. It is a process for sure. I know the lord loves me. I know he is aware of me. I sometimes think he has a funny sense of humor when it comes to me.

I have soul searched a lot over the past months and I started reading this book while I was recovering – “In trying times, Just keep trying”. The author came to Time Out For Woman and I bought her book.. Merrilee Boyack!

This book gave me all the answers I had been searching for. I was so comforted it gave me love that I had been searching for. I KNOW I needed to read that book at that exact time in my life... that exact week. The lord used this book as a tool to get through to me. I actually sent the author a letter. ( I will have to post again soon about the book)

I went through a period where I was almost afraid to eat something because it would give me the cancer back, I didn't want to have to ever go through another surgery or radiation. So I wouldn't eat alot of food. This surgery was very mental for me. Food was the only thing I could control in this situation, because REALLY with cancer you have NO control of what it will do next. I have worked through some of my emotions. And thanks to my dear friends and family, i'm not afraid to live life and enjoy food. :)

It is funny so many people have told me… wow Alicia you are so strong and you continue to smile during trials. I guess that is were the "WARRIOR" part comes in and shows my courage. Sometimes I just don’t feel strong, but I do know that the lord gives me trials so that I can learn. And I think I’m finally learning, FINALLY. I do have a purpose in the life… a big purpose. The lord kept me alive and provided doctors to help me remove my cancer because he has a plan for me.

So many people asked me ... "oh are you so happy and so excited to be cancer free?" REALLY I haven't thought about. I want to be excited, but i'm kinda numb to it. It hasn't hit me. I still cry sometimes thinking about it all. It is kinda overwhelming.

I'm trying to get excited!!! I know this must all sound crazy... As of today all I can remember is the emotions that I felt over the past 4 years and the uncomfortable recovery from my surgery.

Over time I know my mind will switch gears and it will fade from my memory. Just like many other experiences, this also will be a small blink in the big scheme of my life.

I know my Heavenly Father will give me peace over all of this, and my heart will be healed. That is my prayer. Untill then i'm going to continue to be that "Thyroid Cancer Warrior" and just keep smiling.