6 yrs old....

Saturday I went to the park with my boys, and as I was sitting there a lady with 2 kids about the same age of my boys sat beside me in the shade, the park was packed yet we seemed to just carry on a conversation like it was us. Laughing and talking about each others lives and what are kids do. We talked about deliveries and after I said "having 3 c-sections". It is just so natural for me to say 3 so a few minutes later she asked me if I had another child. At that moment I shared with a perfect stranger about my sweet baby girl! I got a little chocked up as I said... She would turn 6yrs old on November 20th. Six yrs old on Friday.. this Friday... I just realized I should be getting ready for a big princess party.. would that be what she would like? Instead I guess we will just wake up and say Happy Birthday Haley and celebrate the fact that our Heavenly Father has created a plan for us to have her again one day.

I can remember the day she was born so clearly, and I just cry... I miss her so much. I remember kissing her little nose, and seeing her feet... boy did she have big feet for a small 6pd 6oz 20 in. baby, those sweet baby feet gave me lots of big kicks! When I look at my boys as babies they remind me of her and her beautiful face. Her beautiful brown hair and perfect fingers and toes.

Someone told me the other day "it's o.k.", but is it really. Some days I have to say no it isn't, and I get a little mad, frustated and sad. I miss her so dearly! I miss the unknown, I miss not being able to laugh with her, hold her, put her in time out, take beautiful pictures of her with her brothers. I want her with me, BUT I know it will be o.k.! We as a family are o.k. and we know that one day it will be a great reunion. I heard the song "when I get where i'm going" and it made me think about her.

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.

I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

This song just made me think about all those that have passed to the other side with our heavenly Father, they are good, they are with family and friends. It doesn't make the "human heart" hurt go away but it sure gives us peace that they are not alone.

I remember one song that I loved by Alan Jackson.. it was a christmas song that I listened to the whole month of November when I was prego, I would dance and sing and she would move ... I use to listen to this song all day.. It is called "Let it be christmas". I don't know why I just loved that song, It is just special and now it is that time again for christmas and I pulled out that cd cried a little, then just smiled with peace that I have a 6yr old wow, I have a PERFECT 6 yr old, who is with her Heavenly Father and Papa Robert and many others that love her just about as much as we do.

So today, we will remember the special memory that we DID have in the hospital with her, sweet kisses on her nose and wish our beautiful angel baby Haley "Happy Birthday".